


Admit It

by triplebang



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Christmas, Corruption Kink, Cousin Incest, Crying, Dirty Talk, Extremely Dubious Consent, Face Slapping, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Humiliation, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Jealousy, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Religion, Sadism, Slut Shaming, Spit As Lube, Wax Play, felix is a good religious boy, jisung is NOT
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-27 14:43:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17163905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/triplebang/pseuds/triplebang
Summary: Jisung feels weird showing up to his aunt's place for Christmas, with his family being religious and all, and him not. However, by the end of the night, he can rest assured knowing that he's not the only one going to hell.





	Admit It

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, did you miss me?
> 
> BEFORE YOU READ. take note that this fic involves: cousin incest, extremely dubious consent, religious blasphemy, and yeah. Please do not read if any of those things might end up triggering you. Please take my warnings seriously. 
> 
> Additionally, please remember that the cruel content that I depict in my works are NOT something that you should consider to be normal or acceptable in real life. This stuff is only okay in fiction, please understand that.
> 
> Thank you so much [Hyunseph](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hyunseph/) for being my beta.

He’s really not sure if he should be doing this. Jisung hasn’t talked to his family in… a while. Pretty much as soon as he turned 18, he took his stuff and left. His parents didn’t even try that hard to make him stay, and they didn’t really seem like they wanted to talk to him all that much either after he’d left. The last time he’d spoken to his relatives was even longer ago than when he’d last properly spoken to his parents, so one could imagine why Jisung feels weird pulling up to his aunt’s house, only kind of invited. 

His mom had called him to ask if he would be coming to Christmas this year at her sister’s place. It’s a tradition to do it there, since she has the biggest house, and Jisung remembers going every single year ever since he was a kid. He loved spending Christmas with them, so he didn’t even think when he agreed to go. Now, though, he realizes it was probably a bad idea. 

Jisung had left for a reason. He’s a bit of a problem child, honestly, and he’s kind of always been. His family is extremely religious, but as a teenager, Jisung started questioning everything that he knew about God and religion. If he’s being honest, he only went along with all of it because he didn’t know better, and for a good while he didn’t even care. 

The first sign that made him realize that it didn’t make sense was simple logic. He just didn’t understand how there could be such a thing as a God, and his prayers always went unanswered anyway. If God were real, younger Jisung didn’t understand why he’d allow so much pain and suffering to exist in the world. If anything, he just kind of seemed like an asshole. 

The second sign that made him realize that religion was bullshit was all of the hatred that it spread, which is ironic, because all his mother would ever do was preach about kindness. Jisung has had a fair amount of crushes on girls, but he’s also had some on guys. And, obviously, he learned early on that it was wrong. He remembers once expressing his attraction towards one of his male classmates to his mother, and she’d immediately explained to him that it’s bad, that God didn’t create him to be like that, and that he should just stick to looking at pretty girls. For a while, Jisung just accepted it and tried to only focus on girls, but he just couldn’t help it when he fell hard for one of his male friends. 

Whatever they had didn’t last long, all because of stupid fucking religion. His father caught him making out with the boy, and that was it. That’s when everything started going downhill for him. Jisung couldn’t even tell you all of the horrible names that he’d been called by his own parents, couldn’t explain to you what kind of beatings he had to endure, all because God said it was wrong. And it just makes no fucking sense. Jisung gets mad just thinking about it. He doesn’t get why God apparently hates gay people so much, why he hates transgender people so much, why he basically hates everyone who just doesn’t fit into this perfect mold, when he’s supposed to love everyone. 

Now he knows that he only exists to be used as an excuse. An excuse to spread baseless hatred. Fuck God, for real. 

His extended family don’t know how much his parents hate him, though, and why. That’s why he’s always been able to enjoy Christmas at his aunt’s. He’s always been treated with kindness and warmth there, but that’s only because he was concealing his true personality. And the problem right now is that he’s not really concealing it anymore.

Jisung’s hair is dark blue, he’s wearing eyeliner, he’s got all sorts of piercings—a bunch of metal in his ears with a single ring hidden underneath his upper lip— and he’s wearing his leather jacket and ripped jeans, just cause he doesn’t care about the cold. He would really like to finally get inside, though. Maybe he should have thought of his outfit a bit better... except he had to meet up with somebody right before he showed up, and there was no way he wasn’t gonna dress to impress them. Jisung feels kind of nervous at the thought of his relatives seeing him like this, a product of Satan, but on the other hand, he’s thrilled at the idea of stirring up some drama. 

One thing that he’s particularly excited about, though, is seeing Felix again. Felix is his cousin, his aunt’s son, and he’s kind of like a best friend to Jisung. The type of best friend that you could not talk to for months, and then when you see each other again it’s like nothing has changed. He’s always gotten along with him no matter what, but Jisung knows that Felix is a good religious boy, and he’s definitely not seen his new look. He doesn’t even know about how Jisung’s been abused by his own parents. But, Jisung’s tired of being forced to shut up, being forced into some mold that doesn’t fit him at all, and he’s excited for what Felix has to say about him now. He hopes they can still get along.

He carefully brings his hand up to the doorbell, and it takes all he has just to be able to press it. He can hear a bit of commotion inside, Jisung figures that a lot of the family should already be there, and all of a sudden he’s extremely nervous about the looks that they’re going to give him. And, like, he didn’t even bring anything. Shit, maybe he should just turn away and run. 

Before he gets to do anything, though, the door opens and he’s greeted by a beautiful, soft, cute face. Oh, wait, that’s none other than Felix. The boy just stares at him, face blank, and mildly concerned, like he’s trying to figure out who the hell just appeared at his doorstep. Jisung awkwardly stares back, until a look of realization paints itself over Felix’s face, and he exclaims, “Jisung?”

Jisung smiles at him brightly, but Felix doesn’t smile back and, yeah, this isn’t going to go well. The air is thick with discomfort, and Jisung hears somebody else walk toward his door. He makes eye contact with Felix’s mother, who looks just as confused as Felix did. “Jisung?” she asks. 

“Hello,” he replies simply, waving a bit. “It’s good to see you.” He smiles at her, and thankfully she politely smiles back. 

“It’s good to see you too. You look… Different,” she says and steps aside, placing a hand on Felix’s shoulder to make him move as well. “Well, don’t just stand there, come on in.”

A part of Jisung feels like he’s intruding as soon as he steps inside. The air inside is warm and smells of delicious food mixed with the scent of the house itself, and it’s all nice and familiar, but… He feels out of place. He really should have just went back to pretending to be a decent person. Or at the very least, he should have worn neater clothes. Too late now, though. Might as well just go all out. 

As he suspected, when Jisung steps inside, he gets all sorts of weird looks from his relatives, and he just smiles at them and acts like nothing is off. Whatever, this doesn’t affect him, it doesn’t bother him. It shouldn’t bother him. All of these people are brainwashed, or they’re pretending. If they don’t like Jisung, that’s their own personal problem. 

Although, he doesn’t know what to say to anyone. He used to have his parents telling him how to act, but now that they don’t control him anymore… He feels so lost, trying to navigate through his relatives on his own. Oh well, he’ll just stick to Felix and give short responses to everyone else, yeah. 

Except, Felix seems more closed off now. Jisung attempts to talk to him and to joke around, but it doesn’t feel like before. Does Felix really hate the way Jisung looks  _ that _ much? He keeps slipping away to go help out in the kitchen, and Jisung ends up being stuck to his phone most of the time, trying to avoid conversation with anyone else. He hasn’t even properly talked to his parents, and they’re almost acting as if he’s not even there. Works for him, though.

“Hey, why do you seem so uncomfortable around me?” he asks once Felix comes back to join him on the couch. He’s not gonna try beating around the bush, and the look of mild surprise on Felix’s face amuses him slightly.

“Um,” the other boy hesitates, “Sorry. I guess it’s just been a long while since we’ve seen each other.” He brushes a strand of his blonde hair away from his face. Jisung remembers when Felix’s parents first allowed him to bleach his hair, Felix got so excited, and it ended up looking so good on him. He looks like an angel. A stark contrast against Jisung’s own looks.

“So? We’ve spent time apart before, you’ve never acted this way with me,” he says bluntly. A look of guilt makes its way onto Felix’s face, and Jisung can tell that he’s visibly uncomfortable. He kind of likes watching him squirm. 

“Right, sorry. It’s just, you look really different. It’s… weird,” Felix says quietly, averting his eyes. He looks nervous for some reason, and Jisung wonders if he really looks as scary as Felix is making him out to be. 

“Yeah, do you like it?” he asks. He knows that there’s no way that his cousin is going to say yes, but a part of him still hopes that he will. 

“It’s… Interesting? But, why?” the blonde asks, finally looking at Jisung properly, and observing the piercings in his ears. Jisung thinks the fascination in Felix’s eyes is interesting. 

“Just cause I like it. I think it looks cool. Does it suit me?” Jisung brings a hand up to frame his face and smiles cheekily. Felix smiles back. 

“Yeah, weirdly, it does. So, what have you been up to lately?” his cousin asks him, finally relaxing a little bit, tone closer to the way Jisung is used to hearing it. 

Now, Jisung could tell Felix the truth, he could beat around the bush, or he could blatantly lie. For some reason, he wants to get a reaction out of Felix, so he settles on telling him the truth. “Oh, you know. Doing drugs and fucking.” 

Felix instantly freezes up, eyes wide, mouth gaping. It takes everything Jisung has to  _ not _ burst out laughing at his face. Oh, man. Jisung is going to have a lot of fun fucking with him. 

“What?” Felix stutters, unsure what to say. So Jisung starts repeating himself, but then Felix interrupts, “No, wait. I heard you. I just…. Are you messing with me?”

The blue-haired boy stares at him, expression completely blank. “What do you think?”

Felix stutters again, “You must be messing with me, right? I hope you are…”

At that, Jisung can’t help but laugh a little. Felix is so naïve. He figures that the other hasn’t been all that much exposed to crudeness. Felix is very sheltered, and Jisung honestly feels bad about it. The blonde is so good, so nice, so polite, so sweet, so vulnerable. So… fragile. Jisung wants to break him.

He has no idea where that thought came from. 

“Well, no, I’m not,” he finally says after calming down, and a vague look of disgust flashes on Felix’s face. Jisung would feel offended, but he’s weirdly not. Somehow, he feels like Felix could tell him the worst shit possible, and he’d still feel unaffected. Maybe it’s because he knows that Felix is brainwashed, so none of those thoughts would actually be his own. Poor, pretty, stupid Felix. “What is it?”

Felix stares at him, seemingly searching for his words. “Jisung, you… You don’t practice anymore, do you?” 

“I just don’t believe in any of that bullshit, Lix. I barely ever did,” Jisung states, taking in Felix’s reaction. The other just bites his lip, but doesn’t say anything else. Jisung wonders what he thinks, wonders if Felix is pitying him, or maybe if he’s envious. 

They make small talk throughout the rest of the evening, casual banter, but Jisung can tell that Felix doesn’t treat him like he used to. He’s more distant, more wary; it’d be a lie to say that the blue-haired boy doesn’t feel hurt, but he’s not helping his case whenever he teases and tries to get reactions out of the blonde. 

Jisung ends up helping around a bit, has supper like they usually do, and it’s not as terribly awkward as he thought it would have been. To his pleasure, everybody seems to have decided to ignore the elephant in the room. He looks extremely out of place, and he does hear a few comments being whispered here and there, but as long as nobody’s upfront about it, he’s fine. 

When nighttime comes around, everybody is given a room to sleep in, and the only place left for Jisung ends up being the couch. He doesn’t say anything about it, but he can definitely tell that he gets the couch because he’s the least favorite child. Cool. This isn’t going as bad as he thought it would, but it’s far from perfect. It still sucks. Jisung probably would have been better off just chilling alone in his shitty apartment, but he’s already here.

Before he gets settled down, though, he remembers how he’d always sleep next to Felix when they were younger, and that gives him an idea. Rather than waking up with a fucked up neck tomorrow morning, he could just go sleep with Felix. 

So, Jisung creeps toward the boy’s room, navigating through the house like it’s his own, and he doesn’t even bother when he opens the door and comes in. The lights aren’t off yet, and Jisung sees Felix suddenly turn around to face him. “Jisung?”

Jisung smiles and closes the door behind him. “Yeah. What’s up?”

The blonde stares at him, then turns back around to finish whatever it was he was doing before. From the looks of it, he’s folding clothes. Jisung wishes he had that patience. “What are you doing in here?” he eventually asks. 

“I’m gonna sleep in your bed,” Jisung announces, casually heading towards it and plopping down. 

Felix simply blinks at him and says, “No, you’re not. That’s  _ my _ bed, Jisung.” He moves to go stand next to where Jisung is lying, and looks at him disapprovingly, with a slight pout. “Get out.”

Jisung acts as though he can’t hear him, and shoves his face into one of his cousin’s pillow, sighing deeply and taking in the scent. It smells good—familiar, floral. He could spend a lot of time sniffing Felix’s pillow, and he realizes how weird that sounds. “You’re either going to let me sleep here and go sleep on the couch, or you’re gonna let me sleep here and sleep next to me. Your pick.” His voice comes out muffled, but he’s pretty sure that Felix understood him.

His cousin stands and contemplates, before he finally groans and lights a candle on his bedside table, then heads to turn the lights off. Jisung moves his face to the side to be able to observe Felix, and something about the way he looks under the candle’s glow does something to him. 

Felix looks angelic, as always, but he also looks warm, inviting, comforting, nostalgic... All of those emotions twist around in Jisung’s chest and have him feeling some sort of way. He can’t explain it, but it’s strange. Strange in a way where he feels like he’s lived this moment over and over again, yet he knows that this specific situation is occurring for the first time. And, he’s not going to lie, Felix is beautiful. More beautiful than Jisung himself could ever be. None of these emotions are good for him, though. They’re crawling under his skin, making his muscles tingle with an energy that he doesn’t understand. He’s not gonna be able to fall asleep. 

“You know it’s dangerous to fall asleep with a candle burning, right?” Jisung asks with a raised brow as soon as Felix lies down next to him. 

“Yeah. I just like having it on for a while and then I blow it out. Something about the smell of the candle going out comforts me,” replies Felix, trying to get comfortable. Jisung hums in acknowledgement. 

It stays silent for a while, but Jisung’s mind is suddenly running. He needs to tire it out, so he starts asking Felix all sorts of questions, about his classes, about his friends, about his family, and unsurprisingly, Felix’s life is extremely boring, and Jisung tells him.

“Wow, now I remember why I hated sharing a bed with you when we were kids,” grumbles Felix, finally getting sick of all of Jisung’s chatter. 

Jisung knows that Felix doesn’t mean it in a malicious way, but for some reason it gets to him. The small comments and looks that he’s been receiving today have put him on edge, and then his general anxiety about the whole situation didn’t help, and seeing his parents again didn’t help either, and now he feels weird cause Felix looks pretty but Felix is dumb and now Felix is being mean to him and Jisung’s muscles are still tingling and he’s kind of pissed off about the fact that his relatives were gonna have him sleep on the couch and he’s pissed because Felix is doing so much better in life compared to him, but Felix is stupid and mindless and can’t think for himself, and yet he can live his life without any struggle and frankly? That’s not fucking fair at all. Jisung has to put up with so much bullshit, but Felix doesn’t, yet his life is going just fine. 

“You know god’s not real, right?” he suddenly says. Jisung just wants to get on his cousins nerves. Wants Felix to show an image different from his usual polite self.

“You have your beliefs, and I have mine. I think that you’re wrong, but I know I won’t be able to change your mind,” is what Felix replies. Hm. Jisung decides that it’s not good enough of a reaction. 

“You know you’ve been brainwashed, right? Like, do you realize how stupid all of this it is?” he presses further. 

“It’s not stupid, Jisung. What’s stupid is you being reckless, doing drugs and sleeping around. That’s stupid,” he answers. As if Felix would understand any of that. Could Jisung be a little bit more careful? Maybe, but maybe he also doesn’t care. 

“Yeah? You think that you’re smarter than me, huh?” asks Jisung, raising his voice in annoyance slightly. “If you were so smart, you’d understand that if god existed, things wouldn’t be the way they are. You just don’t know how horrible life is, all because you’re so fucking loved and perfect and sheltered.”

At that, Felix turns around so that his back is facing the blue-haired boy. “Shut up. I don’t care if you don’t want to believe in any of it, but you should be mature enough to respect somebody else’s beliefs.”

Jisung scoffs. “You’re literally an idiot. Are you aware?”

Felix huffs and says, “I don’t know. Leave me alone.” 

Obviously, Jisung isn’t going to leave him alone. He moves so that he’s closer to Felix, close enough to be able to wrap an arm around his waist, and he feels Felix stiffen under his touch. “You know what, Felix? You piss me off.”

“I figured,” is all that Felix replies, not moving a single bit. 

“You’re like…. all neat. You’re exactly what your parents would want you to be, exactly what god would want you to be. You think you’re going to heaven, huh? I’m sure that you would, if only there were such a thing,” he says, using his hand to pet at Felix’s torso. “You know, you don’t have to wait until after you die to be able to experience good things. You think you’re so much better than me just for resisting basic temptations? Everybody is so proud of what kind of a proper young man you are, but…. you’re not really all that good, are you?” 

Felix doesn’t answer him, but he moves to grab onto Jisung’s hand, attempting to push it away. Jisung doesn’t let him, though. “I wanna ruin you,” he declares, voice low and raspy, mouth pressing against the back of Felix’s neck. It slipped out of him by instinct, and up until this very moment, Jisung hadn’t even realized that he was attracted to the boy.

His cousin shivers and releases a shaky breath, and this is the exact moment that Jisung decides to let go, to do whatever he wants. He doesn’t care anymore. He stopped caring the moment he decided to turn up to this religious household looking like he’s on his way to suck dick. 

Felix doesn’t say anything and doesn’t move, so Jisung pushes him onto his back, and lays down next to him, pressing himself against Felix’s side, hand traveling across his chest and leg thrown over his thighs. The lack of resistance makes Jisung chuckle. 

“You like it when I touch you?” Felix doesn’t respond, but Jisung keeps going. “I can touch you way better than this. I can touch so good, can make you cum. Bet it wouldn’t even take all that much, would it? With how deprived you are and all.” 

Felix still doesn’t respond, but Jisung can feel him tensing underneath his touch, and it’s just  _ so _ interesting how Felix isn’t pushing him away. Very, very interesting. “You’re so pretty, Lix. You must know that, right? You almost even look like a girl, but you’ve got this boyish charm that I love so much.” He brings his hand up to his cousin’s face so that he can run his fingertips over it, feeling every little bump and ridge of it. Jisung really likes his face, wants to kiss each one of the freckles on it. 

What’s stopping him? Clearly not Felix. 

He tilts his head to brush his lips against Felix’s cheek, and Felix gasps softly but doesn’t do anything else, so Jisung gets up and leans over, hovering on top of his cousin, caging him with both arms. He stares down at him, and the blonde’s got his eyes screwed shut, breathing slightly heavy, and Jisung finds it endearing. He leans down and starts pressing more kisses against his face, and his skin almost appears golden due to the candle’s lighting, which oddly makes Jisung feel powerful. 

When Jisung gets really into peppering Felix’s face with kisses, he allows himself to grind down against the other, and that’s when he notices Felix’s erection. The blonde’s eyes snap open at the friction, and Jisung smiles slyly at him. “Oh? Are you going to let me make you feel good?” 

Felix’s mouth slightly opens, but he seems to have a hard time finding his words. Jisung can tell that his face is red, even under the candle’s dim lighting, and he looks deliciously flustered. Jisung wants to eat him up, and when Felix doesn’t protest, he takes it as a cue to lean down and press his lips against his cousin’s own.

Jisung usually likes to have his kisses rough, hard and messy, but he ends up keeping the pace surprisingly slow and gentle. It’s not like he thinks that he’s going to break Felix or anything and, in fact, he kind of  _ wants _ to do so, but it’s more like he wants to properly savor him. 

Felix is everything that he couldn’t be. He’s the perfect image of the perfect good religious boy, and now he’s laying underneath Jisung, a man, and he’s making these tiny lewd whimpering noises, ones that Jisung swallows up eagerly. Jisung is the one who gets to ruin this perfection, and it’s turning him on immensely. 

And, does Jisung feel bad for making out with his cousin? Surprisingly not. He knows it’s wrong, but it’s not  _ that _ bad, right? If Felix is hot, then he’s hot. Yeah, they’ve known each other since they were young, but Jisung doesn’t see Felix as his brother or anything. He sees him as a… person. 

What kind of person? It’s hard to explain…  Just a regular person, but also a stupid and naïve person. A person that he wants to take care of, just a bit, but mostly a person that he wants to fuck and ruin. Maybe if Jisung had at least  _ attempted _ to bring along a tiny shred of decency, he wouldn’t be doing this. 

But Felix is so inviting. He’s making Jisung feel all of these weird, almost unpleasant things, but, at the end of the day, Jisung is drawn to him. He really can’t help himself, and he doesn’t think he’s going to hold back on Felix at all. He has the urge to watch him squirm and cry, and that’s just what he plans on doing. He’s already dug himself into a very, very deep hole and, well... There’s no turning back now anyway. 

He starts running his hands across Felix’s torso, across his stomach, making Felix shiver and gasp in surprise, and he’s very pleased at the short moan that escapes the blonde’s mouth when Jisung slides his hands underneath Felix’s shirt, caressing his bare flesh. His fingertips drag across his soft skin, and they stop at his nipples, just to play with them a bit, and that’s when Felix’s hips buck up against Jisung’s, and his breathing starts getting labored. 

“Jisung,” he whines softly. “We really shouldn’t do this. I can’t do this.” His voice is all drawn out and shaky as the blue-haired boy is still playing with him.

“You clearly want it, though,” counters Jisung, pressing his crotch against Felix’s to emphasise his point. The blonde swallows, and now Jisung thinks he gets it. Maybe Felix does actually want this, but is too afraid to do anything because of all of the brainwashing he’s been through. On one hand, he wants to comfort him and tell him that it’s okay but… Jisung is letting his evil side win over him today. 

“Don’t you think you’re kind of disgusting, Felix?” he asks, slowly rutting his hips into the boy underneath him. “You’re lying here, erect, all while another man makes you feel good. I had no idea you were a faggot,” he sneers, as if he’s any better. He just wants Felix to get a taste of all of the pain he’s had to experience, just to make Jisung feel better about himself. 

Felix opens his mouth to protest, probably, but Jisung immediately shuts him up by leaning down for another kiss, and he feels Felix whine against his mouth. Jisung does it rougher this time, moving against him and using his hands to lift Felix’s shirt and get rid of it. He then goes down and starts leaving all sorts of marks on his chest everywhere, and he’s rewarded with new noises that he’s never heard Felix make before. 

He eventually moves lower, face right above Felix’s erection, and he smoothly pulls the boys pants down, and then off completely. He presses his face against the outline of his cock, and a pathetic, choked moan leaves Felix’s throat. Jisung breathes onto the erection through his underwear’s fabric, and Felix tries to desperately rub himself against Jisung’s face, but the blue-haired boy ends up pulling away. 

He’s working himself up too much to  _ not _ go all the way, so Jisung opens Felix’s bedside drawers and goes through them, trying to find lube or something, but of course he doesn’t. “You don’t have lube or anything?” he asks, frustrated.

“No,” answers Felix quietly. “Why would I? My parents would freak out if they found something like that...” he trails off at the end of his sentence. 

Jisung just huffs in disbelief, and inside one of the drawers, he spots a rosary. This gives him an idea. “Tonight will be the night that lands you in hell, Felix,” he declares. “That, or you can accept that hell isn’t a fucking real thing, and that there isn’t really any god.” He grabs the rosary and flips Felix onto his stomach. He roughly grabs onto the boy’s hands and pulls them behind his back, where he uses the rosary to tie around his wrists, bounding them together. 

He can immediately feel the panic rush through Felix’s body. “Jisung, no, wait. You can’t do that, wait, untie me, please,” he begs, but Jisung just flips him over onto his back again, then sits down on top of his crotch. He starts grinding down into him, this time focusing more on trying to make it feel good than anything else, and Felix bites down on his lip, trying really hard not to make any sound.

His face is twisting in pleasure, and it makes Jisung grow harder knowing that Felix is getting off to this. “Fuck,” gasps Felix when Jisung grinds down particularly hard, and Jisung giggles.

“I think that’s one of the only times I’ve ever heard you curse, wow. You must be going through a lot, huh?” he asks, though it’s not a real question. Felix moans weakly in response.

“This isn’t right,” he pants, and Jisung wants to laugh, because his cousin’s words contradict his actions. “I don’t wanna get caught.” 

“Don’t wanna get caught? You don’t mind doing this, though?” Jisung asks teasingly, because that’s really just what it seems like.

“N-no,” he stutters. “I meant… I don’t…” The blonde is having a hard time trying to formulate any sentence, and Jisung loves the way he’s melting right underneath him. He can’t wait to make him cum, hopefully more than once. And he can’t wait to make him cry and beg and, wow. 

His eyes flicker over to the candle, and he gets an idea. “If you don’t want to get caught, you’re going to have to stay really quiet, alright? If anybody hears you, they’ll find out that you’re a homo slut, and your current life will become hell, do you understand?” he says. Felix looks up at him, worry and mild fear in his eyes, and his breathing is uneven.

When Jisung grabs onto the candle, Felix’s eyes widen and he attempts to squirm free, but Jisung doesn’t let him go anywhere. “What are you doing, oh my gosh,” he whimpers, panic evident in his voice. 

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to set you on fire,” Jisung laughs. “But this will burn.” At that, he raises the candle above Felix’s torso, and tilts it over slightly, pouring the hot wax onto the boy underneath him. The blonde throws his head back, tenses all of his muscles and groans in pain. His breathing turns erratic, and he releases his muscles slightly when the wax starts cooling down.

“Jisung, please, don’t. Stop, it hurts,” he pleads, blinking furiously and attempting to get rid of the wetness in his eyes. Jisung doesn’t listen to him though, and he pours some more, closely observing the way Felix’s body reacts, twitching and struggling. “It fucking hurts, shit,” Felix curses. 

Jisung decides to keep grinding against him, making sure that Felix stays erect, and he watches as Felix’s head turns, trying to cope with the conflicting sensations. “How do you feel?” he asks, nearly tipping the candle over to pour some more wax.

“Not good, stop, stop. Jisung, please, it really burns, please, please.” He screws his eyes shut, anticipating more of the hot wax to land on his bare chest, but it doesn’t come. He opens his eyes and stares at Jisung, afraid. 

“I’ll stop if you admit that you aren’t as good as everybody thinks you are,” Jisung proposes. He knows that there’s no way Felix is truly perfect, and he wants his cousin to admit it. He wants to hear him say all of the stuff that he’s hiding out loud, and he wants to be the one to get to know his true self. 

Felix bites his lip, then says, “Okay, fine. I’m not that good…”

“Wow!” Jisung exclaims. “Tell me why, angel.” He grabs onto his face, forcing the boy to look him in the eyes. 

“I-I have dirty thoughts sometimes, and I touch myself to those thoughts even though I know it’s wrong, and… Sometimes, I do question the existence of God, but… I’m scared,” he admits, avoiding eye contact. Jisung uses his thumb to stroke Felix’s cheek.

“What kind of dirty thoughts do you have?” he asks, and decides to put the candle back on the bedside table, focusing all of his attention on the boy underneath him. 

Felix groans and says, “About some guys…. I, like, think about them touching me, and stuff.” Jisung can see the wetness get thicker in his eyes, and he feels the need to watch it transform into real tears. 

“Guys?” he asks, mock surprise in his voice. “You know that’s bad!”

“I know,” whines Felix. “I just really can’t help it.” 

Jisung leans down so that his breath ghosts over the blondes face. “I’m so glad to know that you’re a faggot just like me. Let me tell you about how amazing dick is, Lix.” Felix chokes a bit. “It’s so fucking good, feels amazing in your mouth, amazing in your ass. I think about taking cock all the time. Let me show you how good it is.”

Felix shivers at the words. “I really can’t,” he breathes. “I really shouldn’t. Jisung…”

The boy on top coos and says, “Hey, it’s alright. You’re already going to hell anyway. You might as well have a better reason for it.” He presses a kiss against Felix’s throat, and starts leaving small licks here and there.

“Jisung, no. Stop, I really hate this, I don’t want this,” he whines, and Jisung just rolls his eyes.

“You know, I didn’t even tie your hands that hard. You could easily undo the rosary and push me away, and yet, you aren’t doing that. So, I’m kind of under the impression that you do actually want this.”

“I’m not allowed to want this,” Felix replies bluntly. “I can’t do this. It’s wrong, and I feel dirty. So, please, leave me alone.”

Jisung scoffs. “That’s not happening. I’m not leaving you alone. You piss me off so fucking much, and I know you want to do gay shit, and I know you’re truly not as good as everybody thinks you are, and I want to make you fucking cry and beg for my cock like the dirty slut that I know you truly are. You’re no better than I am; you’re just easier to manipulate.” Jisung grabs Felix’s hair from the back and he yanks. “So shut the fuck up and take it. I know you want to, anyway.” Jisung has no idea what gets into him, but suddenly he raises himself up a bit, just to slap Felix’s face with his free hand. “I hate you.”

Tears spill from the corners of Felix’s eyes at the impact, and he stares at Jisung as he asks, “You do?”

A part of Jisung feels bad for his cousin. He looks so hurt, and it makes him feel guilty. An other part, though, just wants to make him hurt more, make him cry in pain and betrayal. He settles on saying “No, I don’t really. How could I hate somebody as pretty as you?” He grabs onto Felix’s face again to kiss him.

“Your body is so nice,” he continues. “Your freckles are gorgeous and your eyes are so shiny. You look so good with blonde hair, like an angel. I’ve always thought that you were cute, but only just now I’m realizing how bad I wanna fuck you. I bet you’d look so good with a cock up your ass, begging me for more.”

Felix starts shaking, turning his face away and breathing heavily. Jisung lowers his hand to go rub at the boy’s length, and Felix moans. “I felt bad about it at first, but look at how you’re reacting. I’m going to give you what you deserve. God, you’re just so fucking hot,” Jisung groans. 

The blonde breathes unevenly before he quietly says, “I think that… you’re also hot.”

“Fuck,” curses Jisung. So maybe that’s why Felix has been treating him like this. Maybe he’s been avoiding Jisung and all just because he thinks Jisung’s new look is hot. It makes him giggle. He presses his mouth against Felix’s once again, kissing him hungrily, licking all over his lips and inside, and Felix whines.

Jisung pulls away and removes Felix’s underwear, watching his cock spring free. He’s seen it a few times in the past, but this is different, and seeing his cousins cock erect and throbbing sends a wave of arousal through his body. He grabs onto it and strokes it, making Felix buck into his hand. He can tell that the blonde is going to cum, so he picks up the pace and Felix says, “Wait, shit. Oh my god.”

He ends up cumming all over his stomach, white semen contrasting with the red candle wax, and he’s panting heavily. Jisung doesn’t stop, though, he keeps jacking him off, and Felix squirms in discomfort. “You’re that desperate for it, huh? You came so fast,” Jisung states. “Feel good?”

“Too much,” whines his cousin. Jisung smiles and keeps moving his hand, watching as Felix struggles to pull away from his touch. Felix ends up having more tears spill down the sides of his face, and Jisung decides to finally let go.

He takes of his pants and underwear, and gets settled in between Felix’s legs, stroking himself slowly. “I’m going to fuck you now,” he announces, and Felix stares at his cock, biting his lip nervously. He weakly tries squirming away again, but Jisung grabs onto his hips and brings him back, then he forces his legs apart. “If you don’t relax, it’s going to hurt,” he warns. 

The blue-haired boy brings his hand up to his mouth and coats his fingers with saliva. Felix doesn’t have any lube, so he’ll have to make do. When he deems his fingers slick enough, he brings his hand down to Felix’s hole, and shoves a finger in slowly. 

“N-no,” the blonde says immediately. “No, Jisung, pull it out. It feels weird, I don’t like it,” he complains, attempting to close his legs back out. 

Jisung sighs and says, “I told you, if you don’t relax, it’s going to hurt. I’m gonna fuck you either way, so it’s your choice if you want to make this enjoyable for yourself or not.” He pushes the finger in deeper, then pulls it out. 

He repeats the process a few times, until Felix seems to have calmed down, and then he pushes in the second finger, spitting onto the hole to make it wetter. Felix has a hard time trying not to tense up, but Jisung is growing impatient, and only after a couple of thrusts with his two fingers, he shoves in the third one. This time, Felix cries out and says, “That burns, that really burns. Pull them out, oh my god. Jisung.”

Jisung still refuses to listen to him. All he does is add more saliva and keeps thrusting, stretching the fingers out inside of him to open him up as much as possible. He realizes that without lube it’s a lot more painful, but Jisung likes knowing that Felix is in pain, so it’s hard for him to be gentler.

Felix doesn’t stop verbally protesting, and Jisung enjoys hearing his tiny cries of pain. Those cries of pain turn into ones of pleasure, though, when he finds his prostate. As soon as he presses against it, Felix jolts and moans loudly. He sees him attempt to shove his face into his pillow, wanting to muffle his sounds. 

“Slut,” mumbles Jisung, then he pulls his hand out and slaps Felix’s thigh. He makes an effort to spit more saliva onto his hole, before he finally grabs his cock and aligns himself at the entrance. When he pushes in, he can feel Felix resist him, and it gets kind of uncomfortable. Out of irritation, Jisung slaps his face again. “I said fucking relax,” he growls.

Felix takes in a few shaky breaths and allows his body to stop tensing, and it makes it easier for Jisung to push in. When he’s completely buried inside, he listens to Felix’s silent crying, and it fills him with a wild need to make him scream. So, he pulls out roughly and pushes back in, and he gets exactly what he wants.

Felix sobs, breathing deeply, and Jisung loves watching his chest rise and fall, covered in the substances from earlier. He pulls out and pushes in again, and again, and then he’s thrusting into him, and Felix is just shaking and squirming, and Jisung can tell that he must be in a lot of pain. It just drives him to fuck him harder, though. 

He tries to angle himself so that he hits Felix’s prostate, and it takes a few thrusts before he finally finds it again. Felix suddenly yelps, eyes flying open, and Jisung smiles at him, pushing in again at the same angle. He keeps going, and the more he does, the more Felix’s body starts reacting positively. His dick is hardening again, and Jisung laughs when he starts meeting his thrusts. 

“Are you enjoying yourself?” he asks him, thrusting in a bit slower.

“N-no, I-” Felix doesn’t manage to form any coherent sentence, just slurring his words and whimpering in between. He’s shaking his head in denial, and Jisung is frustrated at the fact that he doesn’t want to admit that he likes it. 

He lands another slap across his cheek, and Felix clenches around his cock, crying out weakly. “Tell me the truth, whore.”

The blonde doesn’t stop shaking his head. “It burns,” he whines. “Stop it.” But he’s still using his hips to fuck himself against Jisung’s dick. 

So, Jisung harshly grabs onto his face with one hand, diggings his nails into Felix’s cheek. “Tell me the truth, or I’ll stop,” he warns. He stops moving, and watches Felix’s eyes widen. 

His cousin pants for a few moments, then says, “Okay… I like it. Fuck.” Jisung let’s go of his face, and he turns his head away in shame. 

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Jisung pulls out, and Felix moans at the loss. The blue-haired boy turns him around, and undoes the rosary around Felix’s wrists, throwing it to the side. Felix sighs in relief, then he’s being pushed down against his back again, and Jisung shoves himself right back in, fucking him roughly.

Felix immediately wraps his legs around Jisung’s waist, and now that his arms are free, he wraps those around him too. Jisung can tell that he’s trying to hold his moans back, but they end up coming out anyway, especially whenever he thrusts in particularly hard. “You sound like such a whore, oh my god,” he tells Felix. “Admit that’s what you are.”

Felix’s grip tightens, and he says, “I’m a whore.” It comes out all choppy, and almost sounds like a sob, and it almost pushes Jisung over the edge. 

It takes a few more thrusts before Felix is cumming again, and Jisung is surprised that he managed to cum with his dick untouched. Knowing that Jisung is the one who managed to make the blonde feel that good turns him on so much more than he thought would be possible. “Oh, you’re definitely going to hell now,” Jisung pants. “Not only are you having sex, but you’re having sex with a man. And on top of it all, you just came a second time, and I didn’t even touch your dick. You needy, whiny slut. I knew you’d love this. God created you to take cock.” 

Felix sobs again, the words getting him, and that’s all it takes for Jisung to finally be driven over the edge. He fucks into him a couple of more times, before he finally slows down and grinds into his hole, releasing his load. He pants heavily, leaning down to catch Felix’s lips in a kiss. Eventually, Jisung slowly pulls out, spent cock resting against his cousin’s thigh. 

Felix continues to cry, but he’s holding onto Jisung so tightly. Jisung decides to kiss him again, this time softly, like he did the first time. Felix kisses him back, no hesitation whatsoever, and then they’re making out, the blonde’s fingers tangled in Jisung’s hair, and it’s disgustingly soft and sweet.

Jisung pulls away, wiping one of Felix’s tears. “So,” he says quietly. “Admit that you’re a slut.” 

Felix sniffles, grabs onto the hand that Jisung has against his face, and says, “I’m… a slut. That felt so good. So fucking good. I hate it. Jisung, I hate this. I didn’t want this. I don’t want to be like this.” 

His cousin continues to whimper and cry, and Jisung hugs him, holding him against his chest. Maybe he’s a bit of an asshole. He doesn’t regret doing this to Felix, though. He feels satisfied. And, it’s not like Felix completely hated it, right? 

Now, though, Felix’s sobs don’t turn him on as much anymore. His mind has been cleared from arousal, and it actually makes his heart hurt a bit. He should have thought this out a bit better. He shouldn’t have showed up at all, and he shouldn’t have gone into Felix’s bed, and he shouldn’t have fucked his cousin. 

Now, there’s nothing left for him to do but to accept the consequences of his actions. 

**Author's Note:**

> Merry Christmas or whatever 
> 
> Feel free to leave a comment, I appreciate them.
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/tripIebang/)


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